hapter 89
Inara
I can’t believe it. I’m stunned.
Alexander doesn’t move. He seems to be waiting for a reaction from me–or at least an answer.
He spends his life reminding me that I mean nothing to him, so why?
Why can’t I answer him? Normally, I would’ve made it clear that what I do with my body is none of his business.
This time, I can’t bring myself to snap back with one of my venomous lines. I’m scared of disappointing him by giving an answer he
doesn’t want.
Since when do I care about what Alexander thinks of me?
And more importantly–since when do I not want to disappoint him?
What the hell is going on with me?
Alexander
“You have no right to ask me that,” she says.
I can’t tear my eyes away from hers. She looks exhausted. Like a porcelain doll on the verge of breaking.
She said that without hostility, without arrogance. Like she was pleading with me not to ask her–like she feared she might go back
on her decision.
I know I shouldn’t ask her this, but I don’t want her giving herself to another man.
What the hell is happening to us?
“How can you even think about doing something that disgusting?”
I stay expressionless.
“For Maria, I’d even be willing to die.”
Her voice is barely audible. She loves that woman with all her soul–enough to sacrifice her body and her pride.
“So you’re really going to do it?”
She looks away, her eyes filled with tears, but she fights not to let them fall. I’ve never seen her like this. When her father disowned her, she was devastated, but not like this.
“I don’t have a choice.”
It drives me mad that she’s accepting this because her father told her to.
She’s giving up without even fighting.
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18:58 Mon, 25 Aug 0
Chapter 89
“What do you mean you don’t have a choice? There’s always another way!”
“You can’t understand. Just let me go.”
She bites her bottom lip and looks up.
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“You’ve really become such a fucking coward. I don’t know why I’m wasting my breath on you. You’ve made your decision and you clearly don’t regret it. I hope he fucks you real good, that son of a bitch.”
She lowers her head, biting her lip. When she looks back up, a tear rolls down her cheek. She quickly wipes it away.
Inara
I should’ve said something sharp to let him know I don’t care what he thinks of me.
But instead. I just lower my head.
My heart aches–this feeling is indescribable. I’m exhausted. It’s hard being a living target for half the psychos in the country and having to deal with my father.
Alexander watches the stream of tears spilling down my face and finally lets go of my wrist.
I cover my mouth with both hands, trying to stifle the sobs that are getting louder.
Life would’ve been so much easier if I had never been born–or if I had died from Khalid’s beatings. He wouldn’t have gone after Maria, and no one else would’ve suffered from the hatred he feels toward me.
I should’ve died with my mother.
I collapse to the floor, ending up on my knees in front of Alexander, who still doesn’t move.
“I don’t want to sleep with that guy! Don’t you get that I can’t say no? My father will kill Maria if I don’t do it–or he’ll have the gang rape her! It’s her or me!”
My words come out tangle in sobs.
should’ve let my father beat me again and again! If I’d just shut my damn mouth at that party, none of this shit would’ve happened
Iscream, pounding my fist on the floor until it starts to bleed.
I sniffle and start pulling at my hair. The pain inside me is unbearable–I need to feel it physically. I need to hurt.
“He’s going to kill her to punish me! It disgusts me just thinking that I have to sleep with that man! He’s going to treat me like a sex
Loy! And I won’t even be able to say a word because Maria’s fate depends on how I act
I can’t breathe. I don’t want to be raped, I cry harder
I finally pull the dagger hidden in my te
I bitterly regret not carrying a lighter anymore. I would’ve set myself on fire
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Chapter 89
“How could I be so stupid to think I could ever have peace?”
I stare at the blade now covered in tears and blood.
It mesmerizes me. I want to end this miserable, painful life.
1 raise my arm, ready to drive the blade straight through my heart-
But Alexander grabs my hand just in time.
38%
“I’m the problem–because of me, everyone I love suffers! Everything I touch, I destroy! I’m cursed! Let me do what I have to do!”
I struggle, but it’s useless. He firmly takes the dagger and throws it into a corner of the room.
I look up. My eyes meet his.
Alexander is stoic. He doesn’t say a word.
“I don’t want to live anymore, Alexander.”
He crouches in front of me. He stares at me in silence.
Only my sobs and ragged breathing fill the room.
“Stop. I hate seeing you cry.”
I can’t stop. I want to stop these tears and stop humiliating myself in front of him.
“Come on. Calm down.”
I watch him remove his signet ring–the one his uncle gave him. He holds it tightly in his hand.
He grabs my hand and places it in mine, while I stare in shock.
He once told me he’d give up his entire empire and fortune just to keep this ring–back when we were in Italy.
“Will you hold onto it for me, just for a while? I’ve got things I need to take care of. You know how much it means to me. Take good care of it. I trust you with it.”
1 look at him, confused.
He never takes that ring off.
Why is he giving it to me now?
Alexander
“Don’t ever try to kill yourself again, you hear me?l never want to see you do something like that- or even think about it. it’s beneath you You’re worth so much more than that. Maria would never forgive you for taking your own life thinking it would ease
her burden.”
After giving her my ring, I stand up, leaving her there in shock
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Chapter 89
She knows how much that ring means to me. I know she’ll take care of it–I’ve never let anyone else touch it.
I walk toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
Her voice is barely audible.
“I’ve got things to take care of.”
I walk out of the gym and head to my room, trying to stay calm–my hands are trembling with rage.
I grab two guns hidden in a box on top of my wardrobe and stash them under it.
Then I head out and get in my car.
I didn’t let anything show in front of her, but I’m about to lose control–about to let hatred consume me.
I let her pour out all her anger and pain. But seeing her like that-
It shook me.
She’s been suffering abuse from her father and this world since she was a kid.
I can’t explain why, but seeing her break down like that–it crushed me.
My father was a bastard, just like hers, but I had my uncle to watch over me.
Maria has cared for her since she was a child.
Of course she’d do anything to protect her…
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